Building resilience against adversity

My family and I recently went to the cinema for the first time since Covid as a way to escape the bustling life in the casino. Listen, I don't mind crowded spaces, but this was like being at Times Square on New Year's Eve. The only movie available at the earliest time was starring Brad Pitt called "Bullet Train". After a short family meeting, we decided to watch it, in favour of my dad loving trains and action and in favour of my mom, loving Brad Pitt. No spoilers, I swear, but after watching the movie, it got me thinking, is there really a thing such as bad luck or is it just a consequence of other people's multiple life choices all affecting your life?

Let me give a simple example (based on real events). Let's say that you recently saw a McDonalds ad showing that they're having a half-price special on their chicken nuggets. Suddenly, you're craving chicken nuggets, so you get the motivation to stand up from the couch and drive to McDonalds. Only to find a long line of cars in the drive-thru. You see that it's already dinner time and so you think "this is worth the wait". Finally, you get to the ordering window and try to order the chicken nuggets when the lady tells you "If you came for the chicken nugget special, we're just sold out." Is this your bad luck or is it just the decision of numerous people who at the same time saw that McDonalds ad and was craving chicken nuggets too?

That's the thing with life. There's pain all around us. Broken relationships, financial struggles, and mental and/or physical illness are just a list of many many MANY challenges that we all face if not every day, then at least once in our lives. What sucks is that a lot of the pain, trauma, stress and struggles are not something that we did to ourselves, but occur because of other people's decisions and mistakes that affect our lives. More often than not, the things that take the most control over our mental state are situations that we cannot control. This is why it is so important to build our resilience against adversity and realise that we are stronger than whatever life throws at us.

Kelly Bromley once said:

"You have to fall so you can learn to pick yourself up. It’s what life is, we all have obstacles and challenges it does not matter what they are, what matters is how you choose to make them better."

What is resilience?

Resilience is the capacity to bounce back in times of difficulty and challenges experiences. Having low resilience can lead to overthinking, stress, feeling overwhelmed, unhealthy coping strategies and unresolved healing and trauma. However, having high resilience can help you cope and move forward in life without feeling stuck or derailed. It's almost like training your emotions and reactions so that it does not become overwhelmed when situations are tough. Take running a marathon for example, if you don't run at all, suddenly running 5km, or even just 1km and seem overwhelming and you'll probably feel exhausted. However, running 500m everyday will eventually become easier and you'll eventually run 5km easily. In the same way, if you practice your emotional endurance every day, eventually, it'll be less overwhelming when situations are tough. So, how do you build your emotional endurance or resilience?

Practice self-care

Your journey to reach resilience is unique to you, so it's important not to compare your feelings, struggles and your journey with how others are doing. Think about it, do you show everyone around you with what you're dealing with? Do you share your fears and insecurities out loud? Probably not, so what makes you think that what others are portraying of themselves are completely transparent? I know it's difficult, but don't compare your healing journey with others. Start with small self-care things that you can do to help you improve. An example is to maybe start with writing 3 things that you are grateful for every day. Having a gratitude journal helps your brain shift to a more positive mindset.

Listen to your body

Your mind-body connection is incredibly important, so when you are taking care of your sleep patterns, your diet, and your fitness reduces stress and improves resilience.

Do things that you enjoy

It's important to remember to prioritize your time to do things that you enjoy, whatever that may be. This helps you distract yourself from those overwhelming thoughts and emotions. Also practicing to do your favourite hobbies helps rewire your brain so that when those overwhelming stressful times comes, instead of doing something destructive, you turn to doing something you enjoy.

What's the takeaway?

As my mom always told me "Why stress over things you can't control?". When you realise that sometimes bad things happen and that challenges and obstacles are a part of life, the sooner you will realise that it becomes easier to ride that wave when you learn how to surf.